Pushing Through It
After what seems to feel like an eternity, I am happy to say that I should have my car up and running soon... That being said, it depends on getting one last part in, with any luck, tomorrow morning. It's been a long road getting this far in the game. I feel like I have had to suffer in a lot of ways this last month. But, I have come to realize after 4 miles tonight, that once again, my sense of jealousy had come out yet again this season and I have had to battle some pretty petty unresolved issues that I have from childhood. And while I'm happy to report that a good run came help them come to light, a mother good run tends to help me get to the point where I can let it go. Again.
I had to return my moms car to her tonight. So, once I dropped it off, I was bound to need to get home. Since they were gone, I left the key on the counter with a small note that said thank you on it. I didn't refill it with gas. It's at 1/4 of a tank, and I know I should have done that, but, it was a busy day and I needed to get other things done all day. So, I am feeling like I was being petty on that. In the moment though, I was just bitter and hurt. I took off with only myself tonight, since I couldn't take my dog in her car, I didn't want to have to clean that up. My dog sheds something fierce so that's a big nope. It was a slow start. I couldn't believe how long those first 8 minutes were. It felt like it was taking hours before I heard MapMyRun tell me that I had gone 0.6 miles... One kilometer. Oh my, this was going to be a long run. Needless to say I felt like I needed to speed it up a bit, so I think I did.
It was nice to have the road to myself without the dog. I mean, I love to have he with me when I'm out at night, but, there are those moments that I need to be able to just keep going without having someone else sniff ever ten feet. It tends to get a bit annoying after the first 4 times in a mile we stop.. not even to poo though. Just sniff leaves. I got to my second mile, and I realized that this is my second mile when I do my lope. Not bad, I was going to make sure that I made it to 4 miles.
It was chilly and I had worn my new hat. It's pink, I tend to like pink, not sure why on that one, just do. So I have on my new hat and I realize that this hat, while pretty and fit very well, is more like a spring type hat rather than a super fucking hat. for now, I think I will have to stick with my fleece stuff. I think I may have to figure out how to make a new hat and fleece jacket for myself. I like the neck on the one that I use in the super cold weather. We shall see.
I was happy to stop on the top of the road on the lake shores to pause and stop and gaze up at the stars. It was so peaceful and beautiful. I could see the lights of the house on the lake all dressed up for the Holidays. I was happy to have seen it. The last half a mile or so, I kept thinking to myself just push. Just keep pushing on. And it was interesting because I thought of many things on my run tonight. I thought of Will, and how much I wish to do something positive to remember him by. I thought of Rik who runs for his son that was gone far too soon. I thought of my friend Belinda's post on Facebook tonight, what are my Christmas wishes. I came up with, working for Dan Price at Gravity Payments as their corporate massage therapist with my partner and to have all of my race gear, fees and weekend events paid for, for the whole next year... Which honestly, if the first happened, the second one would follow quite quickly I am sure. I want peace of mind. I need to run some more to find that this week, so, until tomorrow, Good night...
I had to return my moms car to her tonight. So, once I dropped it off, I was bound to need to get home. Since they were gone, I left the key on the counter with a small note that said thank you on it. I didn't refill it with gas. It's at 1/4 of a tank, and I know I should have done that, but, it was a busy day and I needed to get other things done all day. So, I am feeling like I was being petty on that. In the moment though, I was just bitter and hurt. I took off with only myself tonight, since I couldn't take my dog in her car, I didn't want to have to clean that up. My dog sheds something fierce so that's a big nope. It was a slow start. I couldn't believe how long those first 8 minutes were. It felt like it was taking hours before I heard MapMyRun tell me that I had gone 0.6 miles... One kilometer. Oh my, this was going to be a long run. Needless to say I felt like I needed to speed it up a bit, so I think I did.
It was nice to have the road to myself without the dog. I mean, I love to have he with me when I'm out at night, but, there are those moments that I need to be able to just keep going without having someone else sniff ever ten feet. It tends to get a bit annoying after the first 4 times in a mile we stop.. not even to poo though. Just sniff leaves. I got to my second mile, and I realized that this is my second mile when I do my lope. Not bad, I was going to make sure that I made it to 4 miles.
It was chilly and I had worn my new hat. It's pink, I tend to like pink, not sure why on that one, just do. So I have on my new hat and I realize that this hat, while pretty and fit very well, is more like a spring type hat rather than a super fucking hat. for now, I think I will have to stick with my fleece stuff. I think I may have to figure out how to make a new hat and fleece jacket for myself. I like the neck on the one that I use in the super cold weather. We shall see.
I was happy to stop on the top of the road on the lake shores to pause and stop and gaze up at the stars. It was so peaceful and beautiful. I could see the lights of the house on the lake all dressed up for the Holidays. I was happy to have seen it. The last half a mile or so, I kept thinking to myself just push. Just keep pushing on. And it was interesting because I thought of many things on my run tonight. I thought of Will, and how much I wish to do something positive to remember him by. I thought of Rik who runs for his son that was gone far too soon. I thought of my friend Belinda's post on Facebook tonight, what are my Christmas wishes. I came up with, working for Dan Price at Gravity Payments as their corporate massage therapist with my partner and to have all of my race gear, fees and weekend events paid for, for the whole next year... Which honestly, if the first happened, the second one would follow quite quickly I am sure. I want peace of mind. I need to run some more to find that this week, so, until tomorrow, Good night...
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