Broken Motivation

This morning was a beautiful morning to be alive.  I was able to sleep next to my love all night and wake up next to him as well.  It was a glorious feeling.  One so good that I decided to wait until I got home from work to go running.  Why not, after all, he will be at work so might as well.  At least right then, I could snuggle next to him and smile.

Got home this evening and I felt like my motivation was broken.  Not just broken, but, unwilling to really do anything.  I took a little nap for about 30 minutes and then got up and sat on my phone for another hour or so.  It took everything that I had to get up and get moving to go run.

As soon as I get out there, I try to replicate the run that I had yesterday.  The end of it anyway.  The part where I felt so good running that I thought I could go on forever.  That was not this run today though.  This one was hard and I should know better than to wear my soccer socks to run in, but I did... And now I wish that I hadn't.  Again, another lesson that I am hopeful to learn.  I struggled on this one.  I walked some and ran some more.  I listened to the music and focused on keeping good form.  The heavier the music the more determined I became.  I wanted to run because I was mad.  I wanted to run that out of me.  And so I did a lap around the neighborhood. And I then I ran to the water and then finished the second lap around my neighborhood.  I was done after getting to the water so I walked the rest of the way home.  I'm glad I did.  My legs were starting to hurt.  Glad to have some Advil to take when the muscle soreness is at it's peak.  For tomorrow's run, compression sleeves and some arnica salve on the legs.

For the broken motivation, it's not like something made me get up and go.  I had to realize that it's not about motivation that makes me get up.  It's the thought of doing something that I have never been too sure that I can do.  I mean, sure, I can work on a lot of things, but, this is a huge commitment to me.  And for the first time in a long time, I don't want to let my bad days get in the way of finishing what I have set out to do.  I like to think that I took the broken parts of the motivation and filled it with gold, thus making that piece of myself shine in a new bright way.  It becomes part of the beauty of the whole piece and makes it stand out with its flaws.  And I am not without those.  This is what I said in my running group about today's run and me.  Somedays I struggle with getting out the door.  Somedays I can't wait to go.  Some are just surprising for me.  Everyday is an adventure and for me, I run for those who can't.  The ones past and present.  The ones who lost their voice, the ones who are lost altogether.

Good night... Good luck

Happy Running All~



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Feeling the Day After

Image
Like many all over the world, but, especially in the United States, yesterday was a day of somber memories.  A hellish nightmare from which there was no waking up to.  The day after was a strange one, as were the days that followed.  In an instant, the world, all around me, had changed.  It brought with it the shock of an outright war against the United States.  This was so far from the reaches of my mind just a few short hours prior. To help those who don't know, let me explain a bit of back story.  In 2001, I was pretty much going nowhere fast.  I had quit two jobs, was running on borrowed money, still at home, just doing nothing and trying to get by.  And then a few things went down for me.  My little sister had joined the Navy, and she was gone in bootcamp.  I had been seeing a guy that I thought actually liked me, and then one night I called him.  He sounded so cold, to this day I can still recall it.  I knew it was over...
Read more

And Yet,

I have had so much to say for so long that I think I may just burst into a million pieces if I don't get it all out.  There is much that I have been thinking about ton these last few runs.  A lot has been going on in our world and I think it's time I took a stance and made myself heard. About 8 weeks ago, a young lady ws reported missing from Brooklyn Iowa.  Her name was Mollie Tibbetts.  On a Tuesday, about two weeks ago, a body was discovered about 11 miles away from where she was last seen, presumed to be her body.  An arrest has been made and a man has been charged with first degree murder in the case.  I am so boiling angry over this I could scream. Let me start by saying I remember watching stories like this all the time growing up about runners who went missing.  There have been a couple that have ended up headless with their heads found floating in the canal where they used to run.  This is nothing new to me in this idea of runners bei...
Read more

Perseverance: Just Keep Swimming

There are good days and then there are the days where it's a struggle to do damn near everything.  We all have days like these ones.  The coffee isn't made in the morning, your stomach is hurting from whatever food or drink you consumed sometime earlier, your job isn't as fun as you want it to be and yet you still get up.  You go make the coffee, silently scolding yourself for forgetting it the night before.  Instead of just chilling on Facebook, you notice that not only did the coffee not get done, but, in fact, neither did the dishes. This was me today.  Begrudgingly doing the dishes that I should have finished last night.  I could be angry about it, but, now my kitchen is clean and the coffee is fresh and I, not my husband, get that first cup of hot liquid warm heaven.  The smell makes you smile, the aroma is fresh and somehow soothes your mind.  Still tired, I headed back up the stairs and begin getting ready for the morning run.  Today...
Read more